Have you ever felt a strange, aching loneliness that follows you everywhere and doesn’t come from being alone? Sometimes, we feel like we don’t belong. Anywhere. Not in our lives. Not in our relationships. Not in our job. Maybe not even our skin. You do all the important things, go through the right motions, but it just doesn’t work. This feeling of having no roots, of doing things without feeling it, is what we at the Liven community call the “Out of Place” Syndrome. It leaves us asking the following questions: What am I doing here? What do I want from this life?
Meet the “Out Of Place” Syndrome
The term “Out of Place” Syndrome isn’t something you’d find in psychology books, but it’s a feeling that many of us have, regardless. It’s when we don’t feel at home in the world, even around those who should have been close. Our minds and hearts have displaced us, and now we stand in the familiar place, but we have lost the map to it. It can feel like this:
- You sit in a room full of people, but even when you talk, you feel like it’s all automatic, performative. You feel alone.
- You work hard at your job, but you don’t really find any purpose or joy in it.
- You walk along the street or in the park, but you observe everything, including yourself, from the outside.
At its core, this feeling is about disconnection. It can feel confusing — obviously, nothing is wrong — but it doesn’t mean you should ignore it. It’s a signal, and you should trust when your mind tells you something is wrong.
Finding Out What You Really Want
The first step is to accept that you don’t have to perform and pretend like everything is fine — only then will you open up the opportunity to listen to yourself. It’s true that we are shaped by what others want us to be, and we become so used to it that we start to wear these expectations as our own skin. But the truth is, we have to shed them if we want our inner compass to work.
Notice What Makes You Feel Alive
Think about places, moments, and people that make you feel good. It shouldn’t be something serious or unique. Don’t overthink. It can be:
- A book or documentary on a topic you don’t know
- A certain conversation that struck you deep
- Creating something, even if it didn’t turn out perfect
- Walking alone in nature or your favorite city area.
These tiny sparks are clues. Your real desires don’t always scream; sometimes, they whisper.
Reconnect With Your Inner Child
When we grow up, we choose adult jobs, adult interests, and adult relationships. There’s something quite unfair in how we try to put ourselves into boxes that don’t fit. But in truth, sometimes what we loved when we were kids can signal our long-forgotten dreams and values. Just because we grew up and discovered taxes and social media doesn’t mean our lives should become boring.
That child wasn’t wrong. They were raw, wild, and closer to your essence.
Try to find your early diaries or drawings. Don’t fall too deep into nostalgia at this stage! However, do you notice anything that shows your past interests that you might have forgotten? What about those books you probably had, encyclopedias about dinosaurs, space exploration, or dog breeds? Chase your inner child through all the memories you can muster. Be silly, visit your childhood home, or stare at the tiny photos of the little you. Perhaps it will help you uncover something you have long buried.
Have a Spontaneous Trip
No, we don’t mean scraping all your life’s savings and embarking on a trip — while it’s a great idea, not everyone can afford the time and money for it. Instead, we mean something closer to home but still uncontrollable. The key here is not to have a goal and test how you feel in different spaces. Here’s how to do it — at least a test to try.
1. Pick a free day and commit to it. No backtracking.
2. Choose your focus. Try not to be too serious. For example, promise yourself to follow only green things. Or red. Or blue. This way, you will have an unpredictable path.
3. Stop when facing a dead end. Turn the other way if your path leads you to the train tracks or an empty, creepy street.
4. Find the right spot. Sit and enjoy the moment once you’re finished (meaning bored, tired, or just without anywhere to go anymore).
Why is this important? When you feel out of place, you can overrely on control and focus. It leaves no room for freedom. This spontaneous trip flips that habit on its head. It invites you to let go of expectations and just be.
Journaling to Reconnect With Yourself
Journaling is a classic way to explore the hidden corners of your mind in a safe environment. They invite you to consider what you might want and what aspects of your life might have been stale. Set aside 15-30 minutes. Light a candle, play soft music, or just find a quiet spot where you won’t be interrupted. We’ve prepared a few prompts below that can allow you to write without editing or judging.
- If I didn’t have to prove anything to anyone, I would…
- I feel most like myself when…
- When I was a kid, I used to dream about…
- If I let go of what others expect from me, I might…
- Lately, I’ve been craving more…
If these don’t work, you can always search more online or create your own.
Making Sense of Your Map
Feeling out of place can be painful, but you don’t have to take big steps right off the bat. All you need to do is listen to yourself, starting today. Although it can initially feel strange, it will become easier over time. And it will happen — one day, the map of your world will make sense again, and you will know where you stand.